Walk with the wise and become wise for a companion of fools suffers harm.
- Proverbs 13:20
Andy Stanley – North Point Church in Atlanta, guardrails series creator
Guardrails: prevention, protection
Our greatest potential regret, greatest potential relational regret, greatest potential moral regret, greatest potential ethical regret can all be avoided if we have good guardrails. Guardrails are personalized standards of behavior. Every relationship needs guardrails tailor-made to unique situation that you find yourself in, the unique direction you’re heading, unique protection you need.
BUT our culture baits you up right to the edge of disaster, society wants us in that place and then leaves us with the results & regrets of our actions.
Paint a caution line in your life. Then dig in rumble strips outside that caution line. Leave space to provide room to self-correct back into the middle. Lastly, have a hard material for you to smack into instead of going over the cliff.
We’re repelled by rejection….attracted by acceptance. That acceptance then leads to influence. This proverb is a warning and a promise. Wisdom is contagious, fools always cause collateral damage.
If you’re a companion of people who don’t care for themselves, will they take care of you?
If you’re a companion of people who don’t care how their actions impact others, will they care how their actions impacts you?
If they don’t care about their reputation, will they care about yours?
A companion of people who live carelessly will eventually suffer some of the same consequences – will get hit with shrapnel.
If you get near the fire you will smell like smoke even if you don’t get burnt. (Wow, so very true.)
8 indicators – blinking caution lights:
See – you can easily see this person isn’t going the direction you want your life to go
Sound – you begin to sound like another person when you’re with them, or people ask if you know what you sound like whenever you’re with that person
Pretend – being with them causes you to be someone you’re not, drink something, smoke something, watch something or do anything which you do not do
Think – causes you to think about doing something you wouldn’t usually do
Talk – your self talk turns negative, feel less of yourself, begin to talk yourself into doing something you know is a danger zone
Avoid – result of being with someone causes you to avoid those people who have your best interest in mind, they most build you up, they know you the most
Go – a person wants you to come with them and be there even though it’s dangerous “don’t have to do what we do, just be there with me”
Know – already know you don’t want others to know you’re with them, if you don’t want to tell your spouse – LEAVE!, would be embarrassed if your kids or family knew, couldn’t tell your grandmother you were with that person or in that place – LEAVE!
Whenever you’re trying to do the right thing you want everyone to know. You seek advice, input of others & guidance. If you’re trying to do something you know is wrong you want no one to know. You don’t want advice or get ticked off by input of others. Teach this to your children.
How do we construct relational guardrails?
Get healthy - one step at a time
Enter deep community – tell someone trustworthy the truth about you & your struggle
Check out a 12-step program
Make the co-pay! (seek wise, trained counsel)
PRAY as if your life depends on it because it may! The quality of your life certainly does. Reach beyond yourself to the One who can.
There are people on the other side of our guardrail that step across and over our rumble strip, cross our painted caution line and park themselves right in front of us blocking our trip. Make hard decisions are remove them from your life.
The reality of our own brokenness in a broken world does not leave us with a safe, easy life and relationships. In this Guardrail series there are 4 questions:
1. Where are your relationship danger zones?
2. What could your guardrails look like around those relational danger zones?
3. When are you going to install them?
4. Who is going to help you? Don’t do this alone. Don’t struggle and stumble alone.
We can’t avoid difficult or complicated relationships but we can erect guardrails. Their life – their choice.
Your life – your choice.
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