sermon notes - Guardrails: Swerve

Walk with the wise and become wise for a companion of fools suffers harm.    

-          Proverbs 13:20

 

Andy Stanley – North Point Church in Atlanta, guardrails series creator

Guardrails:  prevention, protection

 

Our greatest potential regret, greatest potential relational regret, greatest potential moral regret, greatest potential ethical regret can all be avoided if we have good guardrails. Guardrails are personalized standards of behavior. Every relationship needs guardrails tailor-made to unique situation that you find yourself in, the unique direction you’re heading, unique protection you need.

BUT our culture baits you up right to the edge of disaster, society wants us in that place and then leaves us with the results & regrets of our actions.

 

Paint a caution line in your life. Then dig in rumble strips outside that caution line. Leave space to provide room to self-correct back into the middle. Lastly, have a hard material for you to smack into instead of going over the cliff.

 

We’re repelled by rejection….attracted by acceptance. That acceptance then leads to influence. This proverb is a warning and a promise. Wisdom is contagious, fools always cause collateral  damage.

 

If you’re a companion of people who don’t care for themselves, will they take care of you?

            If you’re a companion of people who don’t care how their actions impact others, will they care how their actions impacts you?

                           If they don’t care about their reputation, will they care about yours?

A companion of people who live carelessly will eventually suffer some of the same consequences – will get hit with shrapnel.

 

If you get near the fire you will smell like smoke even if you don’t get burnt. (Wow, so very true.)

 

8 indicators – blinking caution lights:

See – you can easily see this person isn’t going the direction you want your life to go

Sound – you begin to sound like another person when you’re with them, or people ask if you know what you sound like whenever you’re with that person

Pretend – being with them causes you to be someone you’re not, drink something, smoke something, watch something or do anything which you do not do

Think – causes you to think about doing something you wouldn’t usually do

Talk – your self talk turns negative, feel less of yourself, begin to talk yourself into doing something you know is a danger zone

Avoid – result of being with someone causes you to avoid those people who have your best interest in mind, they most build you up, they know you the most

Go – a person wants you to come with them and be there even though it’s dangerous “don’t have to do what we do, just be there with me”

Know – already know you don’t want others to know you’re with them, if you don’t want to tell your spouse – LEAVE!, would be embarrassed if your kids or family knew, couldn’t tell your grandmother you were with that person or in that place – LEAVE!

 

Whenever you’re trying to do the right thing you want everyone to know. You seek advice, input of others & guidance. If you’re trying to do something you know is wrong you want no one to know. You don’t want advice or get ticked off by input of others. Teach this to your children.

 

How do we construct relational guardrails?

Get healthy -  one step at a time

Enter deep community – tell someone trustworthy the truth about you & your struggle

Check out a 12-step program

Make the co-pay! (seek wise, trained counsel)

PRAY as if your life depends on it because it may! The quality of your life certainly does. Reach beyond yourself to the One who can.

 

There are people on the other side of our guardrail that step across and over our rumble strip, cross our painted caution line and park themselves right in front of us blocking our trip. Make hard decisions are remove them from your life.

 

The reality of our own brokenness in a broken world does not leave us with a safe, easy life and relationships. In this Guardrail series there are 4 questions:

1.       Where are your relationship danger zones?

2.       What could your guardrails look like around those relational danger zones?

3.       When are you going to install them?

4.       Who is going to help you? Don’t do this alone. Don’t struggle and stumble alone.

 

We can’t avoid difficult or complicated relationships but we can erect guardrails. Their life – their choice.

       Your life – your choice.

today's leaders

The traits our culture values in leaders are different from the traits Paul lays out for the early church. His list doesn't include "must be a great speaker" or "have a forceful personality." Too many people are given leadership on the basis of external talent but the qualities that the apostle Paul was looking for were based upon internal character.

We need leaders who value the hard steep road of character over the cheap, shallow image of self promotion. Could you handle it?

Here is a trustworthy saying; whoever aspires to be an overseer desire the noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 
1 Timothy 3:1-3

Along with that, what does it mean to have wrong motives? 
When our requests don't match our character. There are times when God is withholding our requests for money or a certain relationship because what we think is a blessing can be a destructive force in our lives. God loves us so much that He will protect us from our prayers.

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

– James 4:3 (NIV)

learning from life's sorrows

"Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks much about death, while the fool thinks only about having a good time" (Ecclesiastes 7:3-4 NLT).

When you are hurting and in distress you are more apt to examine your heart and your motivations. You know your spirit is grieving, and you have the opportunity to deal with the root cause of the pain. It is far better to grieve and learn, than to be happy but a fool. 

     What have you learned from your pain that you can use to reinvest in a better future? 

          What wisdom have you gained?